


I won't let you fall

by Snowwoman



Series: Don’t go where I can’t follow [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, Hearbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Phil POV, Soulmates, break-up, hurt Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11886282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowwoman/pseuds/Snowwoman
Summary: Phil's tired. Tired of their constant fights, of the pain they've been caused to each other and of the feeling that he's suffocating, being near Dan. They're falling apart and Phil knows that they can't be like this any longer.But what it's a price of leaving other part of your soul?(It's paraller story toDon't give up on me, BUT you don't need to read it to understand this. But first part will be more angsty if you read it before reading this story)





	I won't let you fall

**Author's Note:**

> *I don't get any profit from writing it. It's story from fan for fans, who enjoy a fiction as much as Dan and Phil.

''So you're going to leave me? After everything we gone through?''

Phil flinches, hearing Dan's hoarse from crying voice. He turns his head to see his boyfriend (he still can't think about him as an ''ex''). Dan stays in their (it's still their..?) hallway, looking sickly pale in his beloved baggy black sweatshirt as he stares at Phil with bloodshot eyes. They are shining from tears and their warm chocolate colour is even more beautiful, but this time Phil's heart aches because of this. He knows that he caused them to look like that- his own looked the same for weeks. They were fighting bad,without any pause, and Phil just looked with growing terror how everything they built falls apart. It was like never-ending cycle- they woke up after arguing, they didn't talk a half of a day, and then small thing made them fighting again. They can't even film their common channel anymore- they stopped after some fans started asking if something happend to them, because they acted strangely. They started sleeping apart and every night they switched their places to sleep- one night Dan slept on the sofa, the other night it was Phil. They drew away from each other increasingly and Phil couldn't have looked anymore at the broken and bare bones of their bound. They need to heal this, but Phil just can't see _how_ they're supposed to do this when they can't stand each other now. They only hurt themselves.

He looks at Dan, at his white from tightening fists and pale face. He knows that he loves him, but he has to leave to save what's left.

''I can't be here, Dan. I need to think about this all, about us. I can't do this with you here. I need space.'' He says quietly, praying to Dan to hear his thoughts, to hear that he still cares about him.

But Dan just screams, his tears start rolling across his cheeks.

''You know that you're killing me, right?! And you're okay with that?!''

Phil feels how his anger rises. He knows that Dan suffers, but he's in pain too. And Dan just makes now more drama about this as if he doesn't understand that they can't live like this anymore, that one of them had to decide to leave. He furrows his eyebrows, feeling how his headache is coming back and he answers coldly.

''Don't be such a drama queen, Dan. Just...please, don't make it worse than it's already''

Dan doesn't say anything and for a while Phil can see such a big pain on his face that his heart almost stops beating. He feels suddenly that something really wrong will happen if he leaves Dan now. But it's probably just a werid imagnition of his tired brain.

He decides to just shake this feeling off now. He needs to leave, even if his soul hurts. He looks for the last time at Dan and he leaves their house, feeling as if he won't be happy ever again.

* * *

  _He dreams about his first meeting with Dan. He sees again this tall boy with soft looking brown hair and warm chocolate eyes as he stays surronded by other people, who are going past him. Phil can tell that Dan is anxious- his gaze strays and he runs fingers through his stright hair, probably trying to make them look even more stright. It's something in this that makes Phil heart flutter and he starts walking faster, almost running. Finally he stays behind Dan and he puts his hand on his arm, hoping that Dan isn't going to elbow him because of this. But his frights fade away when Dan turns towards him and smiles to him._

_''Hi, Phil''_

_He says, and his voice is as warm as his eyes. Phil doesn't know why, but he feels as if he finally stopped looking for something he didn't even know that he looked for. It's like his soul wasn't a whole before, and now he can see its other half in Dan. This feeling it's like sweet, yet sharp pain in his chest. Dan still looks at him and Phil knows somehow that he feels the same, that he understands why Phil can't say something back yet. They just look into each other eyes and smiles for a while, and then Phil says finally._

_''Hello, Dan''_

The crack of the floor wakes him up and he's floating between reality and dream before he catches a figure of a tall man. It takes him a while before he recognizes where he is. It's PJ's flat and his owner is looking at him now with concern in his eyes.

''Sorry for interrupting. I just need to take my ticket and then I buzz off, so you can go back to sleep'' PJ says quietly.

He didn't ask Phil about anything when he appeared on his doorstep with suitcase and red eyes. He just took him inside, and then he sat by Phil on the floor as he started crying and sobbing. They sat on this cold floor God knows how long, and PJ just listened everything without saying anything, rubbing Phil's back as he talked. When Phil stopped and his head started swaying from tiredness, he just put him on the sofa and covered him with a blanket.

It was three days ago and Phil doesn't talk about Dan since then.

Phil's heart clenches at the thought of Dan, but he manages to ask PJ without trembling voice.

''That's okay. Where are you going ? Sophie is coming back?'' 

PJ sighs as if he doesn't want Phil to know.

''No, it was...Tyler, actually.''

Phil frowns. Tyler isn't that close to PJ to texting with him- he gets along a lot better with Phil and Dan. Especially Dan, who even told him that Phil is his soulmate. He used to be friend with Chris too, but it was a long, long time ago.

''What's happend?''

''I don't know. He only said that's urgent and he's with Dan at yours flat, so I should come over.''

Phil feels how something in his chest throbs painfully. He misses Dan so much- he misses his eyes, his smile, his black humour and even his existential crisis. He wants so badly to touch him and hug him that his soul aches. But he broke up with him and he can't hold him anymore. Phil feels how his eyes starts burning. 

''Hey, Phil'' PJ says, coming closer to him.''I'll tell you everything. And then maybe you decides to talk with him too''

Phil only smiles sadly at PJ and nods.

''Okay, Peej. See you soon''

PJ smiles back and then he disappears behind the door. A few moments later Phil hears a loud thud and he is alone. He sits for a while, trying to gather his thoughts, and then he goes to the kitchen. He takes a glass of water and he slowly returns to the room, looking at pictures on the walls when he passes by them. He stays by the one with PJ and Sophie- it's a selfie and they laugh together to the camera with a sun behind their backs. They look like a young and happy marriage on the honeymoon. It hangs next to the photo of Fantastic Foursome in Dan's old room and Phil eyes stray to this picture. In this one Chris 's head lay on PJ knees as he laughs at something, and PJ looks at him with fondness on his face. Phil feels a wave of sadness at this. Chris is a PJ's soulmate, but they were never a copule, though Phil knows that Chris loved PJ. The problem was that PJ didn't love him back- not in the way Chris did. Phil still remembers how grievingly Chris sobbed this night when PJ broke his heart, laying on Phil's bed while he and Dan stroked his hair and hugged him. After that he started falling apart from them all, and now they don't even know where he is. Phil sighs heavily. PJ doesn't know that Phil and Dan know that he's Chris's soulmate, and he doesn't know neither that Dan and Phil are soulmates. Phil wanted to tell him about this once, since Dan told Tyler, but when he saw how he was suffering after Chris's disappear, he decided to not doing this. Especially when PJ met Sophie and he fell in love with her. 

Phil looks for the last time at their laughing faces and he comes back to the room with heavy heart. He sits on the sofa and he looks with blank eyes at the window, slowly drinking a water. His thoughts return to Chris, and of course Dan. He's prying for Dan's understanding- he needs to know that he broke up with him not because he doesn't love him anymore or not at all, but because he couldn't have let them to destroy their love completely. They're now like a poison to each other. It recalls him about a quote he saw once on the Chris's phone lockscreen- "Maybe we'll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and i'll be right for you, and you'll be right for me. But right now, you are chaos to my thoughts and i am poison to your heart". What if he and Dan will never be right for each other ever again? Phil thinks that couldn't stand this- he doesn't know how Chris managed this.

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a thud of the door and in the next moment he sees PJ, who are looking at him with frightened eyes. PJ doesn't need to speak- Phil knows that something bad happend, and he knows that it's _Dan_ and suddenly he just can't breath, because no, no Dan, not him...

The empty glass falls from Phil's limp fingers and breaks on the floor, but neither of them notes it.

''Why didn't you tell me that you and Dan are soulmates? If I only knew... '' It's the first thing he hears from PJ and he can't answer, because his throat burns and he even can't tell PJ to tell him already, what's happend to Dan. But PJ doesn't wait for his answers as he says.

''He's dying, fuck, Phil, he's really dying and oh God, Phil, please, tell me that you didn't know, because fuck, i-i can't..''

PJ loses a track of his thoughts, but Phil can only stare at him as he feels how dread makes his whole body freeze. He can't think, he only hears _dying, but why he's, why he's dying,_ _God, Dan's dying, oh God, it's can't be true, because death is cold, and Dan's smile is warm as a sun, and his eyes are so bright, and oh God, i can't breath, please take mine if it means that he'll breath, just let him live, i beg, i can't-_

The strong shake stops his frantic mind and he looks into PJ's green eyes as he feels how tears are falling across his cheeks.

''I knew that you would never have done this if you knew'' PJ says quietly to him or rather to himself and he already starts talking more firmly, this time directly to Phil. ''Dan isn't dead, not yet. But we need to hurry up if we want to save him''

Phil can only nod and he frantically runs from a flat after PJ. A taxi waits already and in a while they're driving to Phil and Dan's house. Only then PJ starts talking again.

''I was thinking that Dan just feels down because of your break up, you know. But when I saw him...God, he looked like he was already dead. I didn’t know what the hell is happening and why he isn't in hospital, but then Tyler told me that you're soulmates. And I understood everything. Chris...Chris told me about this once-when you decides to leave your soulmates it means death to him. He said that it only ends with death when they're both in love. But it's rare to find a soulmate and not everyone falls in love with their, so not many people know how cruel it could be. Chris said that his grandma died because of this, so he knew about it. And now...you know about this too''

Phil looks at him as tears silently falls down from his eyes.

''Nobody from my family met their soulmate" He whispers quietly, choking from crying. "I only knew that every person has one,though I never hoped that I will find mine. But then I met Dan. We...we never talked about this a lot. We just knew this and it was enough and-"

Suddenly Phil stops as a terrifying thought comes to his mind. He feels as if his heart dropped to his stomach, and the wave of nausea makes him almost retch. 

"Phil? What's happend?" 

He hears PJ's worried voice, but he feels as if it's far away from him. His breath speeds rapidly as he finally chokes. 

"Dan... Dan thinks that I knew what will happen when I leave him. He thinks that I decided... decided to kill him. He scremed that I'm killing him and I thought that he just overacted, but i just didn't know that... Oh God, PJ, what have I done?" 

Phil starts sobbing as PJ murmurs something as he sits closer to Phil, hugging him. But Phil doesn't hear anything. He feels as if somebody ripped his heart out. Why he never thought about asking somebody about soulmates? Why he never talked about it with Dan? It's now too late and he just knows that he can't live with the knowledge that he killed his love, his Dan. Now he sees that without him he will be dead too, because Dan makes him feel alive and no matter how bad would be between them, they would always find a way. He wants to scream from pain, but PJ doesn't let him as he says.

''We're here. Come on, Phil, you need to be strong if you want to save Dan''

It helps him to put himself together a little and they get out of the taxi. Phil just runs up to the familiar door and he flies them open, running stright to their bedroom. His rapidly beating heart almost stops when he finally sees Dan.

He's lying on their bed covered with a duvet, and its dark shade increases the paleness of his face. Phil comes closer, noticing with every steps more details - the sunken, closed eyelids, more prominent than before cheekbones and bruises under his eyes. He looks so weak and fragile that Phil's heart breaks again. He quietly sits by him and reaches his hand to brush aside the sweaty locks from his forehead. Its heat almost burns, and Phil just puts his cold hand to make it less warm. He's so busy with staring at Dan that he even doesn't see Tyler, who sits on the chair by the desk. He doesn't even hear the quiet hum of his conversation with PJ and their worried looks.

To him it's only Dan here as he runs his fingers thorugh his hair and strokes his burning cheeks. He doesn't know that he's whispering to him and his voice is hoarse from tears.

''Love. I'm here, I'm back. I'm so sorry that I left you. I should've....should've never did that, my love. I should've never let you down and believe that's the only way to fix us. And please, you have to know that I would have never left you if i knew that it'll kill you. Never, Dan. So please, come back to me''

He takes Dan's hand and squeezes hard, feeling how his tears falls down on Dan's chest. He needs to wake up, because Phil will lose his mind.

''He was thinking that you know'' Tyler says quietly and Phil takes his eyes off of Dan. ''Chris told us someday about this and we knew that he also spoke about this with PJ. He probably assumed that you and PJ talked about this and he was sure that you knew that he'll die when you leave ''

''I would never, Tyl, I would-''

''I told him, but he wasn't listen. He was too shattered'' Tyler interrupts him gently, looking with sad face at Phil.

Phil says nothing as he lay his head on Dan chest, his tears still sinking into Dan's black sweatshirt. He prays quietly.

''I'm so sorry that I hurted you, love. Please, wake up. I have so much to tell you. Please''

Suddenly, he feels a small stir under his cheek and he rapidly rises his head, looking at Dan face. His eyes are fluttering and Phil reaches his one hand to stroke his cheek as his other one tightens on Dan's. Finally, his eyes fall open and Phil feels how dread slowly leaves his body. For a moment Dan looks at him with disbelief as if he doesn't believe that Phil is really here, and then he whispers with difficulty.

''I missed you. I missed you so much, Phil''

There're tears in his eyes and Phil can't say anything, so he just brushes them aside, feeling how his own starts falling even harder. He puts his head again on Dan's chest and takes his hand, kissing his knuckles. They're just lying like this, and Phil listens Dan's heartbeat. Only few minuts later Phil finds his voice and he says with broken whisper, rising his head from Dan's chest.

''Why you didn't tell me that something like this could happen?'' 

He just can't stop himself from asking about it, even if he knows why. He's still scared how easly he could have lost Dan. 

''How could you not know it?'' Dan answers with wide eyes, and Phil's heart clenches again.

''I never heard about this'' He says quietly, tightening his grip on Dan's hand. ''Nobody told me about this until PJ stromed to his house and starts screaming at me that I'm killing you. God, Dan. I'm so, so sorry. I was so scared when he told me that...how I could live so long without knowing that I could lose you so easly...''

He can't say anymore, because his tears starts choking him and he sobs. It was so close. He was so close to lose Dan.

But Dan just takes hims in his arms, hugging him tightly and Phil feels safe again. He hears soft whispers and warm kisses that Dan places on his hair, and Phil's hands starts straying on Dan's arms and back, stroking lightly. Finally, he takes a deep breath and he puts his forehead to Dan's, knowing what he wants to say.

''I love you, Dan. I never stopped. We will fix everything between us, we will work on this. I don't want to lose you, because you're everything to me''

He says quietly, and Dan, his beautiful Dan just smiles to him with this warm smile of him and kisses him. It feels like always, but in the same time like a promise.

''We will, Phil'' Dan says softly. ''You own my soul''

And Phil knows that his soul is whole again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> HII again !!! I was thinking that it would be nice to write my first phan story from Phil POV and clarify some things about this Soulmates AU, so here I am :D I hope so badly that I didn't screw it and that you enjoyed this. And I am sorry for mistakes- there's probably a quiet. 
> 
> If you can, please tell me what are you thinking about. It always helps me and makes me want to try harder. I will be really grateful.  
> :D
> 
> Thank you for reading !


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